Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the first annual Wiggie Awards! 2016 was a….year…. and 2017 looks to be…
The categories and nominees were selected in a blind drawing that was overseen by the Jae Wiggz Committee, and all results are final. Without further delay, I present:
Blackest Thing of the Year: Black Ass TV Shows (Insecure, Atlanta, Luke Cage, Queen Sugar)
Honorable Mentions: Obama Out, Chopped Cheese Clapback, Solange – A Seat at the Table
This was the year where Black Television would no longer be defined by what was shown on BET. Black experiences on television doesn’t need to be easily digestible (Black-Ish, although this current season is refreshingly complex), nor does it need to be exceedingly melodramatic (Empire). We can have shows that speak exclusively to us, without having to dumb down our experiences to placate other audiences. Atlanta in particular is a uniquely Black show, which tackles issues with wit, gravity, sarcasm, and absurdity. Insecure presented a much needed voice for Black millenials. Queen Sugar tackles family drama without adding absurd melodramatic twists and hooks that plague Empire. Luke Cage gave us a damn hoodie wearing, bulletproof superhero! Even Black-ish which can be meh at times, came through with some commentary on respectability and colorism. 2016 was truly a great year for Black TV.
Come Up of the Year: Issa Rae
Honorable Mentions: Bernie Sanders, Chance the Rapper, Mahershala Ali, Black Panther
Issa Rae has been plugging away for almost a decade. She started with the Awkward Black Girl series on YouTube, in a time where original content creation was still young. She became the first Black woman to produce an HBO series, and got nominated for a Golden freaking Globe for Insecure. Her come up is undeniable.
Biggest L aka Most Washed of the Year: Hillary Clinton
Honorable Mentions: Lena Dunham, WB Studios (BvS and Suicide Squad), Meek Mill, Mariah Carey
Really, this should go to all of America, but luckily, this was an Olympic year. Hillary Clinton lost the biggest layup of an election possible. She had the media support, the Obamas’ support, the DNC support (to the point of corruption), and she went up against the most insane candidate possible. This may have been too easy for her to win, and instead of campaigning as hard as possible, she tried to cruise to the White House with “hey, I’m not Trump.” Instead of representing progression, she ran on status quo policies. She had some rough exchanges with potential voters, and would rather dab on Ellen instead of show up in Flint or Standing Rock. She was problematic from the jump, but she still should have smashed Trump. Of course, other factors played into this, but her fall from grace was massive.
“You’re in my Seat” Award: Columbusing Chopped Cheese
I’m all for people searching for new and unique food items. I’m a mid-level foodie that enjoys to order more fringe items on any menu,. I love new experiences, and I love sharing those experiences with others. What I don’t do is educate people on things that I do not know.
Insider Food put out a video where a white woman “discovered” the chopped cheese sammich in Harlem. For those completely in the dark, a chopped cheese is simply a chopped up cheeseburger served on a hero with ketchup and mayo. That’s all that it is. It’s simple, late night, greasy bodega food when you don’t have a chicken spot near you. Insider Food treated it as if it was “New York’s answer to the Philly Cheesesteak.” NO! It’s a smacked person’s answer to hunger with five dollars!!! The fact that she called a hero a “sub roll” showed that she wasn’t even a native New Yorker. She had no authority to show the world the hood’s secrets. Then Whole Foods and Gourmet Restaurants tried to capitalize on it by selling Alternative Cheeses for more than double the price?!?!? The Whole Foods specifically located on COLUMBUS CIRCLE, at THIS CART:
I could rant on this forever, so I’m just going to give her this L, and tag the gawd Jeffrey Almonte’s reaction video. I couldn’t have said it better myself!
Sports Thing of the Year: #BlackExcellence @ Olympics and World Series Game 7
Honorable Mentions: Mamba Out, Lebron’s Game 7 Block
This was hard because Mamba Out is the most Kobe shit that could ever happen, and LeBron’s chase-down block was the best basketball play that I’ve ever seen. However, history was made at the World Series, with the Chicago Cubs finally winning the title. It happened in an epic Game 7 that went into extra innings and had a rain delay! I can’t go against history, but the amount of stanning that I did for the African Diaspora during the Olympics was unmatched. Usain Bolt, Simone Biles, Simone Samuel, and Michelle Carter all made history. I couldn’t choose, so they each get a W.
Hater of the Year: Abigail Fisher
Honorable Mention: Tomi Lahren, Sheriff David Clarke, George Karl
The rest may have future opportunities at this award, so Average Abi gets this one. The living embodiment of trying to use her white privledge to advance her mediocrity, she tried to end Affirmative Action (something that most benefits white women) because she was the academic equivalent of “salt and pepper to taste.” She went to the highest court in the land just to get LeBron Blocked at the end. Becky with the Bad Grades, indeed.
Scammer of the Year: Donald Trump
Honorable Mentions: Zaida “Cricket Lady” Pugh, Astrology Memes, Ryan Lochte, All Lives Matter
The Orange Asshole ran away with this one. He finessed his way to the White House by spreading Breitbart lies, slandering entire groups of people, and has already started fucking his supporters royally. He can barely contain himself on Twitter when someone criticizes him, and has continued to express how unqualified he is to run this country.
Da Real MVP of the Year: Donald Glover
Honorable Mentions: Deadpool, Captain America – Civil War, Chicago Cubs, Leonardo DiCaprio, Darth Vader
Donald Glover aka Childish Gambino, created the realest show on TV. He released an experimental album that has some staying power. He won two Golden Globes. He’s going to be Lando Calrissian in a future Star Wars movie. This may be a bit of stanning on my part, but this is MY awards show! Fight me! I’ve been a fan of his for years, from his standup, to Troy Barnes on Community, to his music. I cannot be any more happier for him and his success. His work ethic is serious, and he’s finally getting recognized for his intelligence, his quality, and his talent. It makes it even more awesome seeing how humble he is. I cannot wait to see what 2017 has in store for him.
I didn’t want to end this post without pouring some out for the ones that we lost. Part of why 2016 sucked so much was because we lost so many icons. David Bowie, Prince, David Cohen, Muhammad Ali, George Michael, Florence Henderson, Chyna, John Glenn, Alan Thicke, Carrie Fisher, Debbie Reynolds, these people influenced generations. 2016 was also the year that Great Britain and the United States of America lost their damn minds and decided to vote against their best interests.
The future, as always, is uncertain. Tomorrow is promised to no one. For some, life sucks, and then you die. But if you have ever felt any apprehension toward something, look to the people that we lost in 2016 and ask yourself, what would they be if they didn’t take a chance? For many, 2016 was a struggle. Use 2017 as your chance to fight back and make a change.
We have no other choice.