How Bernie Sanders Lost NY

The NY Primary has just passed, amid some controversy, and the Bernie Sanders supporters on my social media have responses that have ranged from “I’m never voting again” to “IT’S A CONSPIRACY!” There have been many posts about how Bernie got screwed. I’m a Bernie supporter, and I simply don’t feel that way. I’ve been commenting on statuses explaining my point, but like many social media discussions, they become unnecessarily personal and dark. So, I decided to have that conversation with myself to explain to Bernie Go-Hards (or Bernie Bros) why and how Bernie Sanders, savior of the free world, could possibly lose the NY Primary to Hillary Clinton.

Bernie Bro: I can’t believe that Bernie lost…

Me: Meh, I can.

Bernie Bro: How? I shared all of the pro-Bernie Sanders Huffington and Washington Post editorial articles. I shared AJ+ and Now This videos. All of my friends liked and shared them, too! He had it in the bag!

Me: Actually, he never stood a chance going up against a twice elected NY Senator in NY.

BB: But he was born in Brooklyn.

Me: He lives in Vermont, fam.

BB: Did you see the rallies in the city? They were massive!

Me: I know, right?

BB: Spike Lee backed him. Eric Garner’s daughter backed him. Rosario Dawson got arrested for supporting him!

Me: Rosario… (daydreams)

BB: Did you see the Brooklyn debate? He was brilliant!

Me: They both had good and bad moments.

BB: How could be lose the primary?

Me: Because it’s Hillary’s home state, and Bernie just wasn’t strong enough to challenge the status quo here. I mean, the guy hates Wall Street, which is in New York. If he’s never seen a Rocky movie, then he’s going to have a hard time in Pennsylvania.

BB: Maybe you didn’t hear me… Bernie is from Brooklyn!

Me: But he didn’t win Brooklyn. He didn’t win the city. He didn’t win any highly populated counties. Hillary did. The data is pretty clear.

BB: She’s a bought candidate! Major corporations fund her! And we both know that major corporations are evil!

Me: Oh? Tell me more as you check your Facebook notifications on your iPhone about how major corporations are evil and shouldn’t be supported.

BB: Hillary is so untrustworthy. She flip flops so much!

Me: Agreed. That’s why I support Bernie Sanders.

BB: She’s a horrible person.

Me: You don’t know her personally to make that judgement.

BB: Don’t you remember the Super Predator comment?

Me: Yeah. Classic Hillary.

BB: And how she said that Bernie wasn’t present for the 1994 health care thingy while he was standing right behind her?

Me: Yep. Hill-arious.

BB: She slammed the domino in the wrong place!

Me: That was ridiculous, however, she did win the game on the other side.

BB: Did you see her drink bubble tea? (laughs condescendingly) She didn’t even know why the straw was so wide! Amirite?!?

Me: So, you don’t remember the first time that you ever had the magic that is bubble tea?

BB: She clearly referenced “Formation” on the Power 105 interview. I mean, hot sauce? Really? She knew what she was doing!

Me: I’m almost certain that her advisers prepared her for that. In reality, she actually does like hot sauce. TBH, I would sooner believe that Hillary Clinton carries hot sauce in her bag (swag) than I would Beyoncé.

BB: Bey is Bae!

Me: (flips table) BEYONCÉ WAS NEVER PREGNANT!!!

BB: …….

Me: ……sorry. Continue.

BB: Hillary pandered so hard in NY. How could anyone take her seriously?

Me: Every politician panders. Hillary Clinton didn’t invent it, but she is certainly a Grade-A Pander Bear.

PanderPanderPanderPander

BB: How can people still vote for her with the pandering?

Me: Because it works. Bernie Sanders mentioning Brooklyn and Selma, and standing with the striking Verizon workers was also pandering. Maybe he’s not as obvious as Hillary, but he does it.

BB: Fine. But everyone on my Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr were feeling the Bern.

Me: I didn’t know that you followed every registered NY Democrat on social media. Your birthday notifications must be a nightmare…

BB: Can we talk about the voter purging?

Me: Sure.

BB: Did you know that over 126,000 voters in Brooklyn were taken off the voter rolls?

Me: I read. It’s pretty messed up, actually. Sidebar: You’re pretty obsessed with Brooklyn. Why not mention Buffalo or Utica? Hell, Pleasantville is a real place.

BB: (obnoxiously puts on Brooklyn Nets hat) Did you know that Hillary won Brooklyn by 5,000 votes?

Me: Yes. I, too, can Google.

BB: Those missing 126K voters would definitely have tipped it in Bernie’s favor!

Me: No, it wouldn’t have.

BB: Why not?

Me: Early polls had Hillary taking NY by a wide margin, regardless. Yes, anything can happen, but probabilities exist for a reason. Young minorities felt the Bern, but there are many more older minorities than younger ones. Those are the people who were statistically going to vote for Hillary. Additionally, Bernie lost the popular vote by a huge margin. Brooklyn isn’t changing the overall result.

BB: If Independents were able to vote, it would be a different story.

Me: Debatable at best.

BB: NY is a closed primary, and that’s not fair.

Me: Not fair to whom? The loser? Would you be saying that if Bernie Sanders won? Is it fair to the rest of the NBA that the three-point line exists because the Golden State Warriors benefit from it the most? The rules are the rules. You don’t have to like them, but they’re there for a reason.

BB: You had to change your party affiliation six months before the NY Primary. That’s crazy.

Me: I agree, but those are the rules.

BB: They should change that.

Me: I agree, but not mid-election.

BB: People’s voter statuses and party affiliation changed and it prevented them from voting normally.

Me: I know. It happened to my wife. But again, the rules state that if you’re inactive for two consecutive federal elections, then you’re considered inactive and your name comes off the list. You can still fill out an affidavit ballot.

BB: This primary disenfranchised a lot of NY voters.

Me: This is a valid problem that’s currently being addressed.

BB: It’s all a conspiracy against Bernie Sanders! The machine felt the pressure and fixed it so that Wall Street and Big Banks cou—

Me: Nope, STFU. There’s plenty of shady biz in American Politics. Why do you think that House of Cards is a thing? Hell, even Game of Thrones is half politics, a quarter gratuitous violence, and a quarter bewbs. If there were less caucuses and more carcasses, American Politics would be much more interesting and less absurd.

BB: BUT HOW DID BERNIE LOSE NY?

Me: BECAUSE HILLARY WAS ALWAYS GOING TO WIN IT!!! Bernie campaigned hard in NY, but so did Hillary. And that doesn’t mean that Bernie couldn’t have won, but stop acting surprised at the fact that he lost. Barack Obama lost the NY Primary to Hillary in 2008. That didn’t stop him from becoming the reigning, two-time President of the United States of America.

BB: So, what now? What’s the point in voting this November if Bernie ends up losing the bid?

Me: Keep monitoring the election. Vote in the general election in November, whether Bernie is the Democratic candidate or not.

BB: But I can’t see myself voting for Hillary.

Me: Well, unless if you believe that the third party candidate has a realistic chance of becoming President, you may not want to take your chances by protesting your vote. By omission, you’re kind of voting for Trump. At this point, Donald Trump will be the Republican nominee, something that was an absurd thought six months ago. I’m not a fan of the two party system, but I’m not so Anti-Hillary that I’ll protest my vote. Morals be dammed. If you do not want to see President Donald Trump, then vote to keep him out. Or vote to keep your name on the voter rolls. Playing keep away is not the ideal option, but it’s better than any option that potentially leads to President Trump. I will say that if you plan on sitting on your ass on November 8, then don’t say shit when you wake up on November 9 to a “TRUMP WINS” headline. You brought that on yourself, B.

BB: Why do you care so much?

Me: I’ve been dipping my toe in the world of politics. This year is the first year that I’m voting for a president who’s not “the black guy,” and I feel like my decision should be much more informed. One thing that I’ve learned: Primary Season is longer than Baseball. My God, why is this still happening? It’s so tedious. Just be November already!

-2 Fingaz

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