We Created Donald Trump

Donald Trump is the presumptive Republican nominee. He is six short months away from fulfilling The Simpsons prophecy of becoming the President of the United States of America. Let that sink in. Something that seemed impossible a year ago is a realistic option now, and we all did it.

Republicans, Democrats, Independents, Foreigners, even Extraterrestrials, we are all responsible in one way or another for The Rise of The Donald. Did you vote for him? It’s your fault. Did you vote against him? It’s your fault. Did you decline to vote? Your fault. Are you not a Republican? Still your fault. Hell, even if you don’t live in America, it’s your bloody fault, mate!

How? Because no matter who you are or where you are, if you ever had one opinion about Donald Trump being president of the United Stated, and utilized social media to express it, you’re responsible. Social media is the reason why he gained so much momentum. It’s how he was able to devour Jeb Bush, who was the presumptive favorite. It was how he was able to take down eleven candidates and systematically dismantle both the Republican and Democratic parties. Even if you tried your best to ignore Trump’s bullshit, you saw something shared somewhere about a violent rally, or a tweet that he sent, or a quote that he stated, or any of the millions of think-pieces made expressing their dismay (this one included 😀 ). I’m not here pointing fingers and blaming anyone, hell, I’m just as guilty of sharing things in the “can you believe this shit?” kind of way. I mean, how could you not? We didn’t give him power on purpose, but much like Goku of Dragonball Z fame, Donald Trump is gathering energy from anything that he can possibly gather, and is loading up his Spirit Bomb full of racism, sexism, and xenophobia.

“Give me your hatred!”

Donald Trump is not a politician. Donald Trump is a celebrity who understands social media, and how to utilize it to keep him relevant. His campaign, by design, was a publicity stunt that just so happened to go viral enough to work. His campaign is the Bus Driver Uppercut of this election cycle. His tweets and sound bites were all crafted to generate media attention, whether it be social or traditional. As the attention grew, his support grew. He spoke to the fears of Americans during worldwide tragedies. He preyed on the feeble minded and convinced them to follow him. His rallies became stronger, and the spotlight that the media put on him shone brighter. It was to the point where CNN would rather show live footage of his empty podium than show live speeches from other candidates.


It didn’t help that his competition couldn’t match his charisma. Jeb Bush was widely regarded as the favorite to get the Republican nod, but his personality made counting pennies sound like an outer-body experience. Chris Christie sold his soul to Trump for a hoagie, Ben Carson couldn’t stay awake long enough to debate effectively, Marco Rubio short circuited, John Kasich vowed to never give up, then he just gave up. Ted Cruz went full idiot and announced that his running mate would be Carly Fiorina, who brought him down faster than HP. The candidates tried to debate issues, but Donald Trump pushed his bigoted rhetoric to the point where the Republican debates almost degenerated into a literal dick-measuring contest! Donald Trump won the media. Donald Trump won the narrative. Then, Donald Trump won in the polls. It’s fascinating to see how effective Donald Trump has been in this election.

And here we are; Donald Trump, the billionaire businessman with small hands and a big cock, is running unopposed in the Republican primary. The Republican Party is completely splintered. They either must show their loyalty to Trump, or are begging Paul Ryan to take a stab at the nomination. Democrats are even more split between Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton than ever before. Supporters of both are trying to convince the other side that their candidate can beat Trump in November. Some voters are claiming that they won’t vote. Some are claiming to vote for the opposite party, in defiance of their own party, whether it be Republican or Democrat. This election season has been absurd, eh? (I’m practicing my Canadian, guy).

Save us, 6 Gawd!

Donald Trump sits atop the social and traditional media throne. His tweets still circulate at a fantastic rate, whether people are supporting or criticizing them. He’ll remain in the headlines for the next six months, unless Beyonce decides to sneeze. His path to the White House is paved by social media activity, and despite our best efforts to stop sharing his things, we won’t. We can’t. It’s too absurd. It’s a five car pile up on top of a train wreck, inside of a tornado, on the moon. How can we resist?

Just put the Crying Jordan Meme over America already… We’re hosed, buddy.

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