Barack Obama has seven months until his presidency officially ends. In the last year and a half, Obama has had a well documented case of Nofuckitis, where his Fucks slowly depleted from his system. It wasn’t more evident than at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner this past Saturday, where he literally dropped a mic, while saying “Obama Out” and chucking up deuces. I lost my damn mind during his thirty minute roasting of every one of his haters. It was glorious.
Since Obama is about to leave soon, and he’s been the most socially conscious president in recent history, I was playing around with this idea for the last couple of months:
What type of entertainment would best tell his story?
Well, I came up with ten movies and TV show pitches that Hollywood could develop to keep the Obama name relevant into perpetuity.
1. Live Studio Audience Sitcom: “The Barack Obama Show”
This show stars Alphacat and Simone Shepherd as Barack and Michelle. Barack tells the best dad jokes possible, and gets into wacky antics that have no consequence from week to week. Joe Biden stars as himself, and is the guy that the audience hoots for. Just don’t put it on CBS.
2. Rom-Com: “When Barry Met Shelly”
The origin story of Barack, a struggling politician meeting Michelle, an Ivy League grad in Chicago. Barack proposes at the 50 Yard Line of Soldier Field.
What? That’s already happening?
I swear on everything, I wrote this before the Southside WIth You trailer came out!
3. Shondaland ABC Soap Opera: “No Hell Like Michelle”
Regina King stars as Michelle Obama. She is fierce, always dressed in white, drinks all of the wine, and solves health issues. She has a dark secret that only Sasha knows. At some point during Sweeps Week, Malia almost dies from Ebola, and Barack murders Paul Ryan with his bare hands.
4. PBS Morning Show: “Obama Cares About Kids”
Barack Obama hosts churren from toddlers to teens and does cool dad things with them, like making a model volcanoes and playing Mario Kart with them.
5. Musical: “Oh, Obama!”
Wayne Brady and Audra McDonald star in an NBC Live Musical production. Toss in Hugh Jackman as Joe Biden, and you can sell that soundtrack for years to come.
6. Action Movie: “Barack Hard”
Kim Jong Un has stolen the launch codes, and it’s up to The Rock Obama to infiltrate his North Korean fortress and get them back.
He’s a one man wrecking crew, and murders every militant possible. He kills Kim by giving him the People’s Elbow. Right after he does it, he drops the punchline, “Say hi to Osama for me!”
7. Epic Fantasy Trilogy: “Hope”
This follows Barack’s 2008 campaign, where he harnesses the power of Hope to vanquish John McCain, who was merely a puppet controlled by Sarah Palin. The sequel has Mitt Romney and his evil, possessed children trying and failing to usurp Barack. The trilogy ends with Donald Trump eating other republican presidential candidates and gaining their powers. Barack realizes that his powers are fading and that he must transfer his remaining Fucks to either Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders.
8. Teen Comedy: “Obama Knows Best”
Malia Obama is about to leave for college, but decides to take Sasha on a wacky road trip with her across the country. Barack follows the girls until he finally realizes that he has to let them grow up.
9. HGTV Renovation Show: “Yes We Can”
Michelle and Barack start a real estate business where they flip shitty DC houses into dream homes. Basically, every HGTV show ever.
10. Viceland Travel Show: “Obeezy 4 Sheezy”
Barack Obama shares his love of basketball and hip hop, as he tours the world playing random pick up games and hosting rap battles.
It’s going to be a really sad day when Obama gives up the keys to the White House, because the person who’s moving in won’t be nearly as dynamically entertaining as him. As we’ve seen in the last eight years, he’s been everything that this country could have possibly asked for and more. He has his flaws, he has his shortcomings, but there is no denying that this field of candidates can’t hold a candle to Barry O. Simply put, he’s a tough act to follow.
- 2 Fingaz